Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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