sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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