guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
