we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
