Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
