Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she told me i tasted like america
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
