This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize