Nicole vs. Life
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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