I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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