my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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