Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There was a lot of him and a little penis
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
