soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
