am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
