In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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