Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
