Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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