At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
