My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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