If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
