Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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