I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
