I've blown a few things in my day
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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