Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
