so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
