Yo dont text me then not text me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
