Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is it because I queefed?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
