This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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