i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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