Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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