so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
