Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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