do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
