I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
