I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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