i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
