idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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