i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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