i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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