Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
