This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
a search helicopter?!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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