Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
