I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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