I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
