Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You were trust falling into bushes
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
