I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Randomize
