I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
