I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize