So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
whose parrot is this?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
