my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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