I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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