Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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