She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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