Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
