Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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