u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
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I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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