she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
