Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
is it fun? or sober?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
