I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
