stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
