my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
where are my eyebrows?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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