You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
