I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need to sanitize my soul.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
