I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
