your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize