The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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