MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
