If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
