thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
