Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
