mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Vodka?
Forever.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
