You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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