my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
