I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
