girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
