if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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