New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
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